I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
