I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
