I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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