somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
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After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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