Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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