I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
