I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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