smell my finger.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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