I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
