His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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