I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize