I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
