you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
