Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
