We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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