If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
