Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
