if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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