READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
