nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
