:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
