Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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