Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
