Your tits are I can't wait for
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
