also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
