Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
