I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sarcasm needs its own font
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
