He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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