toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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