considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
