I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
