youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
