I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
