i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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