I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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