i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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