Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
