they need to just BURY HIM!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
