It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
