about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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