Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
