totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
