she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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