playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
