Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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