i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
