i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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