we made out on top of his cat.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
