this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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