U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
whose ass print is on the piano?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
