So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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