I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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