Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
