i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
