I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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