She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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