Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
