There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
