All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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