Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
