It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
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She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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