I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
