Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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