In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
you never un-have a 4some
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
