You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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