just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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