OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
