Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize