I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
