took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
