these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
