Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
