He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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