He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize